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The Highway Scoop


Late one morning Monkeyboy woke up in the tarpatch, and walked down to the highway. His head was bangin' somethin' fierce; he needed a drink. Squizzin' his gogglers up and down the heat-shimmerin' stretch of blackpitch, already bethrotted by motorin' nobbins and wanderin' wannanuffins, he arched his brawny back and took in the scoop.



Is there a nearby nobbin I can impress with my muscles?

testguy's picture

There are two nearby nobbins: one volumptuous one with wigglish googlies, the other one wispy and vipid with an air of masquidulence. A snippy doggo yarps and wubbles in loops 'round their pink piggies. They chew their gum and twist their twinery locksnips...
Dos Nobbins

The day is blusterhot and you're feelin' a smidge warbly. Make a muscly roll to flex them thumpers. Beat 4.

Flexxin' like Vesuvius Brown!

2d6+2. Result: [5, 5, 2] = 12

testguy's picture

You're markin' tarkus, my friend. Both of the vapish nubulums squish their bulby squonchers and begin to fluttervate tigglishly. An ace up the hand is worth a sixpocket of nostrums. Your hangworthy factor has increased by twelve.

Suddenly a snorpish stranger becedes upon the triumphusphere, snargling and besticulating. Here he is...

The stranger's wiry tuft flashes hedonically, engaging you in an inopportune fisticuff. Roll Getchagotcha. I'll give you a +1 for the shimmers and groove, so beat 3.

Hokay, mamajama! This is gonna be a long post cuz Hooboy Wiggins there's a tarnheap o' flandnation arisin' within the scruticules of mah fatbaker, and a slew o' wonderin's particulatin' on the litigary regufications an' commenstratives of this here confabulationatrix!

Lorem ipsum, as the sayin' goes, and destfortunato equilibrix!

1d6+1. Result: [3, 1] = 4

testguy's picture

You've snorkled his pincers! He squizzles up into a hand-sized packomuffins and releases his fluvium. He has no choice, life-um-deadness, dontcha know. He's rolling 7d6 and takin' the highest for his attack, seekin' to befounder your fabulism.

7d6.takehighest(1). Result: (6, 6, 5, 5, 5, 2, 1) = 6

I'm wonderin' what that entails, exactly...

testguy's picture

It means he's taken his Shinymove and jacked his Getchagotcha by 6 dice, totally befoundering you. He must really wanna gakk you somethin' bad. Now he's outta juice but he gets first attack. He's swangin' his +1 glimkenhommer!

1d6+1. Result: (2, 1) = 3

testguy's picture

OH and that's a terrible roll. Beat him and you're beatin' him!

Am I in this scene?

What about me?

Pretty sure it was my turn.

testguy's picture

Guys, please.

Ok then here goes. I am STOMPIN' this mofo! Stompin' +2!

3d6+2. Result: (5, 2, 2, 2) = 11

testguy's picture

OUCH! That's a YES AND. You have delivered 2 hits via your tremendous stompin' capability, you get one XP, and now you get to tell me what the "AND" is!

Oh, the AND is definitely the swoonation and flitterfluttification of the lil hearts within the original targets of my attention, who even now are growing jealous and well-lubricated.

testguy's picture

And so it is. As your interloper piddles upon himself and flees in a combinatrix of harrow and shmarts, the nuptuous nobbins of your attention turn their gizzlin' gogglers loose all over your pheromone-effluviating form. "You've gotta come with me," says the jiggly one. "I'll let you fold my napkins of naughtiness within a sumptuou-space designed for maximum eroticity."

"That's a breamin' batch o' bogue, fit for a typ," says the wispy one. "Honker down my way and the mysteriums of the maltoverse shall unfold before thee, for I offer you that greatest of glimpses that can be gustated: no less nor more than A Worm of Wonderment, awaiting your mastification."

Jiggly harrumphs and hangs her hammocks in a cross of consternation. "One or t'other," she says.

What's it gonna be, Monkeyboy? Eros or Logos? Fold the Napkins or Eat the Worm?